2016 is over. I still think that between 1996 and 2016 there were only 10 years! (Young at heart ! young at heart!). 2017 it is!
2016 saw lot of emotions. Lot of tough moments.
First half was relatively very bad. I believe in the power of God as well as Nature. 2016 showed me multiple times how powerful these two forces are when you have faith in it!
One time I sat in a temple not knowing what to ask. I was so exhausted mentally that I did not know how to ask help. A 2 year old child who was playing nearby suddenly came to me and hugged me tight. Both me and the child’s father were surprised for one whole minute. Then I too hugged her tight.
I was sitting when this kid came to me, I was at her eye level. She has never seen me .Still she hugged ..for two minutes. The relief I felt after that cannot be expressed. I felt hopeful.
Food wise – a good year . I ate a lot..a loootttt. Separate post on that.
Work was OK.
Overall 2016 was a year where I felt as if I was on a roller coaster ride. At many times the whole world seemed to be a Maya but there were some Bingo moments too.
Wish you all a happy and healthy 2017 !
MY Amma thinks that I am a good singer,that if I practise more I will become better. I am not a good singer and all but you know mothers!
I sing ok – ok. Considering the chances of you asking me to sing to test my voice quality are very slim, I will just say that I am a good singer
When I was pregnant or even before that I used to prepare mentally , how I will sing to my baby everyday, how the baby returns a soft beautiful smile on hearing my sweet,honey dripping voice,how everyone in my house just stop what they were doing and look at me with a peaceful smile as soon as I start singing (thooliyilae aada vanda…raasathi unna kanaatha nenju…), in short how the world turns into a beautiful place as soon as my song spreads in the air…hummmmmmmmmmmmm
But but there was just one problem.I was really really bad in lyrics. Even in my mother tongue I couldnot remember the lyrics.After two lines it will all be my own lyrics (horrible lyrics) but just for my own safety I fill it with mmmmms and hmmmmmss.Anyway I kept dreaming of singing beautiful songs to my baby and the fact that I sing almost like shreya ghoshal in my dreams did not help me much to take a peek into reality. I tried hard to memorize “manikkam katti” lyrics and kept on listening to Unnikrishnan in loop, also some kannan and bharathiyar songs were memorized.
Volt arrived and the initial days went in a blur. SInce those days were blurred I don’t really know what happened but volt developed her own playlist and all my kannan and bharathi songs never feautured in that list.I surrendered and started singing only the songs which volt liked (B..I..NGO..B..I..NGO..) and it continues till date..But the lyrics problem is still there (May had a crocodile…crocodile…crocodile)
p.s. If you get that recording and wonder which voice is mine ..pay attention to the lyrics 😉
Credits : Smileys from freesmileys.org
Maya nominated me for this Award, I think she is too kind 🙂 Thanks dear!!
I have been wanting to write about the changes that I/others see in me these days but I have been procrastinating. That is when she tagged me and asked to write about “Mama SS”. Thanks for asking Maya .
The rules for the nominees are:
- Thank and link to the amazing person who nominated you.
- List the rules and display the award.
- Share seven facts about yourself.
- Nominate 15 other amazing blogs and comment on their posts to let them know they have been nominated.
- Proudly display the award logo on your blog and follow the blogger who nominated you.
7 “new” things about me :-
1. Amma says I have more patience now. I don’t know how I am with others but with amma I never make an effort to hide my anger.I shout almost immediately. I think this is something only my mother has seen. I feel ashamed as I am typing this but that is the truth. But these days I think before acting stupid. Though try sincerely many times I show my anger first and almost immediately repent and try to undo it by konjifying her.
Not just anger,these days I think more about how she would feel. I can say that I am becoming over protective of her. If something happens I try hard to make sure that she isn’t hurt.I did all these before too but these days it happens too often and it is too obvious.
2. Some days I just suddenly realize that I am a mother now 😀 One afternoon I even sent a message on whatsapp to my friends saying “Naan amma ayiten” (I have become a mother). I think it was sometime last week.
3. Sometimes I feel I have become more matured. Like for example If I want to do something for Volt I would prefer to do it in one way but the elders do it in another way which is not bad but something I would not have wanted.Instead of getting tensed I try to reason and accept their way, their way of showing their love for volt.
4. The Universal law holds true in our house too– volt cries/wakes up/poops when I am hungry/sleepy/wanting to do nothing. So I eat/sleep/watch TV when she is asleep.These days if B wants me to do something he tries to frighten me saying ” Idha pannalana en adiyaala (volt) ezhupi vituduven” (Do it else I will wake up volt). I immediately imagine volt in a lungi baniyan like a rowdy and laugh at my imagination 😀
5. The news of children getting killed in Gaza/Telangana accident, any news that speaks about violence against children affects me more these days.It affected me before too but these days I find it very difficult to sleep.
6. When I was pregnant I kept dreaming of putting Volt to sleep by singing nice songs. I am very bad at remembering lyrics.Very very bad. So all I do is hum. In reality, Volt remains wide awake when I sing and as soon as I stop she sleeps off . But I refuse to learn the lesson and want to continue my humming
7. My hair is falling and belly is growing at an alarming rate !!!
Thanks again Maya.
For all the Ponniyin Selvan fans out there, Kalki magazine is going to print ponniyin selvan story again with illustrations starting from 3rd august ,2014. So go and subscribe for it. I think it is going to run for 4 years.
I want to try more in cooking department.Forget other cuisines, there are so many dishes which my mom amd mil are very very good at. I want to try those first. Mor kootu,pulikachal,aviyal things like that. Most importantly pachamaavu podi upma and mor koozh.These two are my favourite. The sour taste and the smell of mor milagai…mmmm… heavenly 🙂 . I tried once.It was such a flop that now I am strictly prohibited from trying 😦 I want to make different varieties of sambhar and rasam.I feel like I know only 3-4 types. My mom makes so many different types of rasam.I want to learn.I want to try.I want them to smell and taste exactly like my mom’s or mil’s, I mean when they prepare you feel hungry automatically.I want to be good in that.
I want to learn two-wheeler. I started learning few months back, but stopped. I want to start again. I want to drive with confidence.
I want to take out my violin and learn sincerely. I am sure I am not going to join any class again. I want to just learn by myself.There must be something on internet to help you learn right?
I want to decorate my home. Right now it has essentials.Nilkamal chair to sit, a cot to sleep, kitchen to cook, TV for time pass. But I want to add little more. Few photographs , few wall hangings , a comfortable sofa. Just little bit more.
I want to fill this sentence very badly – I am good at _________. No!! Eating does not qualify!!!!
This is not about “TALKING” – the basic mode.
I am going to talk about the other intelligent modes like for example in Padaiyappa movie there is a scene where Neelambari would want to talk to Rajni alone but her maids would be standing with her,she will just look at her servants and they all would understand the meaning of her ‘look’ and vacate the place promptly .That type.
My amma says that I never understand these meaningful looks. She says that my cousins who are younger to me do a better job, when my chithi just looks at them they interpret the message quickly and execute the action (like say there is a piece of paper which needs to be removed and there are many guests, chithi would show the paper just by looks and my cousin will take care of it) whereas me, if my amma tries to convey something with just looks,I will just stare at her cluelessly as if she is some alien.
She will try ‘the look’ for few more seconds desperately hoping that I would understand. But that never happens.
She thinks it is important because if she wants to tell me something secretly when there are many people around we could use this mode safely. Unfortunately everyone else would understand her except me.
Second one is whispering. Since ‘the look’ obviously does not work here, she tries to tell me in a very low voice. My reaction would be ” aann.. enna(what) ma? ” in a low voice for first time .. then the volume will slowly increase “aaaaaan enna ma? aaaaaaan enna maaaaaaaaaa?”. She mostly gets up and goes away disappointed and does the meant work all by herself.
Sarcasm – this is not a mode of communication, but this is also is not very well received here. Most of the time I ask the people if they are saying it for real or sarcastically thereby making them a bakra!
This “look” thing is very interesting actually. I wanted to give it a try. No, Not to understand the look which others give me, but to give a meaningful “look” at B to check if he understands what I am trying to say. Don’t ask me the result. I looked like someone who needed an eye exam and an emergency brain surgery 😦
Image from Google
You feel hungry when you see someone eating in a tempting way on TV
You miraculously get the energy to try a recipe after seeing pics on web though you are very very tired after a hard day
You check out secretly what others are having when you are waiting for a table in a restaurant
Your way of seeking vengeance when a dinner date gets cancelled is to cook something awesome at home and eat angrily most of it.
You send a screenshot of delicious food items in chat when wishing Good Morning to colleagues
You visit the Ganapathy temple just for the hot delicious sakkarai pongal prasadam
You know which temple is famous which prasadham in your area and in few more cities too
You remember routes and places only based on nearby hotels/bakery/juice shops
You fight with your manager not during appraisal but when selecting a restaurant for team outing
And your team lead knows how to get work done by you — always offers delicious brownie as a treat if you complete the week’s goals on time 😀
Not very long ago I was stressed.Small things would irritate me big time. Days would be boring. Family functions were tense moments.
Nothing was clear. Nothing was happening in the way I had wanted/expected. There were days when I just went to office unable to do anything, came back home and did nothing.Not all days were bad. But the frequency of bad days were more. So much drama not because i didn’t get what I wanted but because I didn’t know what was going to happen. Mostly I went to bed shouting at baj on phone , vent out everything I had in my mind and apologizing later. He would be so calm listening to whatever nonsense I utter.He would assure me that things will change soon and we will be Okay.
I was a changed person . The devil in me was more active. Family functions, happy gathering , friends-relatives wedding – the things that should make me happy made me go mad.
Why not me?why good things don’t happen to me? – a few seconds of bad thought would ruin my week. Next couple of hours would be spent in wondering how horrible I have become. I was never aware of this part of me. Was this the terrible thing called jealousy I would think?
One day I called my cousin unable to handle it all by myself. I told her how bad I have become. The things which should make me happy made me feel what? Jealous?. I don’t know. Something was wrong with me I complained. She said I was normal which I clearly was not. But her positive words and baj’s constant support helped me. Next few days I worked hard to ignore hard comments, to answer sarcastic questions with ease, to handle any advice with a smile and to ignore unwanted remarks. I searched for the ‘good’ me when I heard good news. I forced myself not to think about me all the time.
Slowly things started shaping up as I wanted and the devil started moving out.
I could give hundred reasons for those negative thoughts – the pressure, the unknowns, non stop questions , remarks , accusations but no reason is good enough for such thoughts.
The only thing that gave me hope was the hours I used to spend regretting for my few minutes of bad thoughts. That, I knew what was good and what was bad.That, even though I could not prevent it I could control it.
Hope I am a better person today.
Afternoon around 3 o clock,I am super frustrated..I ping a friend in office chat tool..
Me: Hoiii.. You there?
Me: I am exhausted.. I don’t know how to do this..its eating my brain.. I am getting headache!! I want to sleep.. Arggggg..
(no reply from friend.. instead I receive a call)
Other end : Hellooo SS! what happened??
Me: !!!! hello … TL? what? mm nothing happened!! just working..why asking?
Other end : No you just said that you are frustrated!!!
Me: (in mind) what !!! Hw did he know that I am not happy? Did my friend tell him? No way…..With all these thoughts I take a look at my chat window and realize that I pinged my TL , not my friend!!!!! 😯 😯 😯
Me: (on phone) ah.mmm no no TL ..this task.. mmm..I just I just thought that it was my friend!!
Other end: **Loud Laugh**
Have a happy weekend!!! 😀