If you bring me a list of DON”Ts in parenting , I think I would tick most of the items as “Totally doing it”.
I don’t believe in perfect parenting,text book parenting. Not too long ago I was discussing this with Maya. I believe in “whatever works as long as its good for you and family – parenting style”. But today I feel that I am standing on the other side of the tunnel, thinking. The more I think the more I feel bad about my parenting “style”. I let her watch TV/cartoons/favourite rhymes. I feed her by showing rhymes. We read not-so-often.All of these a complete no no any parenting book/website would say.
Why am i blabbering so much today? Because Volt is refusing to eat. Its been more than a month since she stopped eating fruits/vegetables. Today its NIL not almost nil..its NIL. Since last one week even normal food is rejected, neglected ,spat down, thrown off.
I know that
1. This is a phase
2. I should not force feed
3. I am away most part of the day
4. My mother is doing a great job feeding her
5. This will change
But none of this is convincing me. Yesterday when I went home and heard that she didnot have proper food the whole day I tried force feeding her. I shouted. She cried. When I started eating I could not. I was feeling guilty. Guilty because I made her cry feeding forcefully, guilty because here I was sitting with a plate stacked with hot dosai whereas she has not eaten anything properly, guilty because I am scared may be I am doing everything wrong.”Whatever works” sounded great when everything was going as planned. I cannot say it now because I am under pressure and I don’t see it working. If I do it bad at 15 months , how will I do it right at 15 years.
ppoohh.. wait.. inside my brain I am actually shouting as I am typing..need to relax.. 2 secs..
Later I sat with her, asked her to bring her books one by one, read with her, played with her and went to sleep. God, children forget and forgive us easily. Only I am not able to forgive myself.