Posted in childhood, The heart speaks

Appa

I was 14 and had been to my mama’s place. When I saw him hugging his daughter who was almost of my age and laughing loud and my aunt shouting from kitchen that he is giving his daughter too much chellam but her voice was never heard as their laughter was so loud, I was just standing in a corner and missing you.
I was only 15 when I had to ask help from my uncle as one idiot kept following me everyday to my school. My eyes were blinded with tears on that day not because of that idiot , but because it was so embarrassing for me to explain it to my uncle. If it had been you, it would have been much easier and you would have comforted me then and there. I missed you that day.
Every Christmas I buy a plum cake and enjoy it so much. It was you who introduced Christmas and cake to me. When I was 12 we planned to decorate the Christmas look alike tree at our house . But then you just left suddenly and when I told the relatives about the decoration idea , I was just frowned upon. I missed you that day.
When I got three centums in my 12 th board exam I missed you.
We had an auto when I was small and till date every time I board an auto and sit with style ,relatives immediately say that I am so comfortable in auto because I am an auto owner’s daughter whatever that means but I miss you when they say that.
I missed you when I had to fill my first application all by myself, I missed you when I had to go to the bank for the first time, I missed you when I joined a prestigious college, I missed you when I joined work, I missed you when I had to find a place to live in a brand new city without any help, I missed you when I got my first salary, I missed you when I cooked for the first time, I missed you when I had to introduce B to our relatives, I missed you during my wedding.
I wanted you to taste the first Sambhar I made, I wanted you to meet B , I wanted to tell you that you are going to become a thatha soon….. I want you to know that sometimes volt sleeps with one leg bent and properly placed on the other just like you do.
Today when I watch volt jumping into her father’s hands with her toothless smile , my heart fills with joy.

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18 thoughts on “Appa

  1. Darn SS, you had me in tears. Literally. I am sittin in office and actually sniffing. the guy who sits opposite to me is asking me if all is well and I just smile at him.
    Big hugs girl. You dont know how proud he will be of you. And how proud I feel just to know you.

  2. Hugs SS. I know how you must be feeling right now. I can totally relate to this post. I miss my papa every single moment but this post had me in tears.
    I am sure it is his blessing that you have achieved so much! You have made him proud.

  3. I don’t know what to say….sometimes I wish we could get a magic wand and change the things..*sigh*

    This is my sister’s status message, I can’t agree more with this, Sharing it here –

    “Those we love don’t go, they walk beside us everyday.
    Unseen, Unheard, but always near.
    Still loved, still missed”

    stay strong SS.
    Hugs

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