I wanted to write about this few days back but wordpress and I had a fight. Trying again…
This is all about breastfeeding..feel free to skip if you are not interested.
My water broke and even though I had pain for more than 16 hours there was not much progress after a point. So I had a c section. I was in pain killers for one one and half week. Nurses helped me to feed the baby. Though I had read about latching and breastfeeding positions (thanks to my office friend who asked me to read about these when I was pregnant),I was tired and I needed help. I did not care about anything and started feeding. Thanks to the pain killers I did not realize my mistake.
When the pain killers were stopped,started my pain. Not the c section pain,the pain due to cracked nipples. Before I could figure out what was happening I started bleeding through the cracks.
I went to my gynaecologist and she gave me some ointment. She treated the symptom but not the cause. I asked my paediatrician about this and he was the only one who pointed to me the actual problem – latching.
With such a small baby crying her lungs out and people around you getting tensed every time she cries,also the sleepless nights,you will not have the time and patience to correctly latch your baby. All you would want to do is just put her mouth there. Obviously it was getting only worse.
I developed a lump in both breasts and it was red,hot and painful – all signs of infection.
I have cried so much during those days. Every feed was scary for me. I don’t know how to explain , every time I would bring her close to me and move her away immediately fearing the pain. It takes at least four to five attempts to offer my breast during every feed. My mom used to stand near me to wipe my tears. Sometimes it just flows , unable to stop , falls on volt. But Volt , such a good baby , never complained about that icky salty water on her. She just let me vent out, silently, carrying on her job.
The pain became unbearable and I was referred to breast surgeon, she removed the pus using a syringe an gave me antibiotics. My antibiotics intake caused rashes and diarrhoea for volt,poor baby.
These were the medical issues. There were more.
Here everyone wants to know everything I think. 90% of people who came to see volt asked me if I am breastfeeding her,if I have enough milk. And I know only50% of them actually cared. Others just wanted to know you know.
And every time she cried uncontrollably, the first question would be “are you getting enough milk” . I had attended an antenatal class during pregnancy and met a paediatrician with B. He told us to always always believe in ourselves and not worry about supply. When people keep asking you if there is enough milk, when your baby is howling and with the pain, you naturally will feel low. But I remembered and followed his advice. I was confident. There was a time I had serious doubts too. B helped me to regain my confidence.
When you are struggling,trying to get a grip,these questions though they may be out of genuine concern sometimes, will have a negative impact mentally if not physically. Thanks to that doctor and B , I managed this one.
After like 8 weeks things started settling, cracks are less painful now . Even now there are questions about flow/ supply but I am handling it. When the weight scale says that the supply is slow I will do the needful.
This is what I learnt
1. It will take time to learn breastfeeding both for your baby and you. Remember you are new to this.
2. Don’t put a timeline or have a time limit within which you have to settle. For eg don’t think that things will be ok in 2 weeks exactly or 6 weeks. It is different for each and every mother and each and every baby.if you have a time limit, at the end of it you will be even more stressed. Take it slow. Every day is a new day, every time there is a little progress. It is getting better.
3. Have faith in yourself.
4. Just like breast feeding , top feeding is also natural.
Thanks to the doctor , thanks to B and Amma and my mil who helped a lot in that difficult phase.
One of my resolution for 2014 is “Being Thankful”. I had written this on Jan 1st..
To be thankful , small or big , find a reason to be thankful everyday .
I am going to write it down in my blog – what I am thankful for.
When the 100 days of happiness challenge came up I really wanted to do it.But I knew that once baby volt is here I will be taking a break, so I did not take it up. Now I would like to do this “Thankfullness” challenge. I am not going to write everyday, but I will write as and when I feel grateful. I am hoping to write often.
Today I am Thankful for the hot dosas my MIL made. Volt was up by 5:30 AM and she was active and playing till 10 AM.Around 10:30 she started crying so loud that nothing could pacify her. She was overtired and hungry too. I tried feeding her but since she was tired she refused.
After 20-25 minutes of cajoling she agreed to drink and slowly fell asleep on my lap. She is a very light sleeper,one small movement can wake her up. Because of all the struggle she went through to fall asleep I didnot want to move her. I was very hungry. My mil arranged two pillows for my back support and said she will bring the tiffin to bed.
She made dosa and chutney and brought it. She could have prepared 3-4dosas in a go and brought all 4. Instead she made one by one and brought it hot . Everytime she refilled my plate with chutney and curd .
For a tired hungry person those hot crispy dosa was a feast.
I thank her for that extra effort 🙂
When I have strange,weird dreams and tell my mom about that she always finds a connection between any recent activity in real and the dream , even if I dream about using a crane to dig a huge hole underground to park my car! But yesterday I had a very different dream and I could not find out any connection . There were lot of people, people from my school, college, relatives – none of them I am close with. They are just some people I know , no close interaction. And there were people and things from very different timelines.
Around 2 Am I woke up to check volt and realized I had a very different dream. It started like this. I am in a class room with a girl from my 10th standard class whom I have not seen/spoken to since 10th standard.We stare at each other for sometime and suddenly I get up and go to a room, the room resembles one of my relatives’ place. I am trying to assemble a breast pump there. Then one of my distant relative whom I have seen only once in reality comes and asks me to explain how the pump works. I explain everything and he goes away. I realize I am late for a class and my college HOD is taking that class.
Since I am late I decide to skip the class and stay back, when I try to pack the breast pump in its box, I find the piston missing. The relative has stolen it I think. Then again I decide to goto class anyway and when I ask the professor if I can come in , the professor now is Actor/comedian Sandhanam! He asks me to stay outside and laughs about it as if its a joke. I stand confused when I feel a hand on my back.When I turn its one of my best friend(the only person in this dream whom I am close with, talked to recently in reality). Then many girls from my college come running and they are all hugging her and I am just standing watching.
I know the dream continued after that but I am not able to recall now. When I was putting volt back to sleep at 2, I purposefully tried to recollect the dream so that I will remember in the morning.I managed to remember 75% of it I think.
What is surprising me is the people and things in this dream, shuttling between different times and majority of the people in this dream are almost forgotten in reality. Why did my brain pick up random things and connected them ? What triggered all these?
Human brain is a mystery!
* I had my first outing with just B after a long time , to eye clinic 😡 .. seasonal infection it seems. I don’t know why it affects only me every single year!! grrrrr…
* There was a McRennett bakery just opposite to the clinic. It took all my energy not to go that shop.
* Volt had her first outing yesterday (other than going to hospital), we went to a temple.While going she was crying a bit, when coming back she slept . So all OK.
* When coming back from temple we were waiting at a signal. There were two guys on a bike standing so close to my window.The guy sitting behind had a biggg cake from McRennett on his lap. If B had agreed to drive little faster as soon as signal changed, nothing could have stopped me from quickly opening the window and snatching that cake from that guy !
* To everyone’s amazement volt was watching TV yesterday. OK, we are not so sure what she was watching, it could be one of these
The TV , Nadal , Djokovic , white hat , a piece of paper flying in front of tv , two red lights on the stabilizer of our TV.
My vote is for those red lights while B wants to believe that his daughter already is into sports 🙄
* My mama and mami came today to see volt. They are one of the sweetest people I know.Though they were here for only 20 minutes I feel very good.
* Thunder, Lightning and rain in chennai. Another reason for my good mood today 🙂
* Its been so long since I visited a parlour that they definitely need a lawn mower now to give some shape to my eye brows.
* B shows really good expressions when volt makes funny noise. Sometimes its more fun to watch him react 😀