Posted in The heart speaks

The art of saying “I Don’t Know”

Few days back, during lunch time we were discussing about the sentence “I don’t know”. How people take it when someone says I don’t know or how difficult is it for someone to say I don’t know.

When I started working, for few days I had no work at all. And when I got some work ,many things were new . When a senior person asked me some question I said I don’t know how to do it. The response was such that I decided never to say I don’t know, even though I don’t know. Everytime some question came to my mind I had another question attached to it- Is it a very stupid question.

So when we were discussing about this, we were thinking what the problem is. May be ‘I don’t know’ is considered as ‘stupidity’ . May be people judge too quickly. And the problem is it shows up in their response. Many time I have felt that when you say I don’t know and ask people to explain, the response will not be clear. You will still be in ‘I don’t know’ state after the conversation. Sometimes even worse, you will feel bad about yourself  and next time you won’t feel all that comfortable to say ‘I don’t know’.

To workaround , when I had questions I started the conversation like this

“Hello..  may be this question is very stupid,but could you please explain how y works”

So the idea here is to give enough warning to the opposite person  that a question which might sound stupid to you is going to come next. Be ready to handle it in a nicer way dear! 🙄 🙄 😀

On the other side, just because someone thinks that you are stupid does not make you stupid. Nobody is stupid in this world.What you know the other person may not be knowing . In exactly the same way, what he/she knows you may not know. Accept it.Don’t stop asking just because someone is not ready to explain it.

I have few people in my team to whom you can ask any doubt. Never ever you will feel that your question is silly. I don’t know if they are judging me by my questions but the point is whether or not they judge , it never shows up in their response which makes me feel comfortable.A big thanks to all of them who have helped me to grow!

 

Posted in guilt, Me, The heart speaks, Uncategorized

The other side

Not very long ago I was stressed.Small things would irritate me big time. Days would be boring. Family functions were tense moments.
Nothing was clear. Nothing was happening in the way I had wanted/expected. There were days when I just went to office unable to do anything, came back home and did nothing.Not all days were bad. But the frequency of bad days were more. So much drama not because i didn’t get what I wanted but because I didn’t know what was going to happen. Mostly I went to bed shouting at baj on phone , vent out everything I had in my mind and apologizing later. He would be so calm listening to whatever nonsense I utter.He would assure me that things will change soon and we will be Okay.

I was a changed person . The devil in me was more active. Family functions, happy gathering , friends-relatives wedding – the things that should make me happy made me go mad.

Why not me?why good things don’t happen to me? – a few seconds of bad thought would ruin my week. Next couple of hours would be spent in wondering how horrible I have become. I was never aware of this part of me. Was this the terrible thing called jealousy I would think?
One day I called my cousin unable to handle it all by myself. I told her how bad I have become. The things which should make me happy made me feel what? Jealous?. I don’t know. Something was wrong with me I complained. She said I was normal which I clearly was not. But her positive words and baj’s constant support helped me. Next few days I worked hard to ignore hard comments, to answer sarcastic questions with ease, to handle any advice with a smile and to ignore unwanted remarks. I searched for the ‘good’ me when I heard good news. I forced myself not to think about me all the time.
Slowly things started shaping up as I wanted and the devil started moving out.
I could give hundred reasons for those negative thoughts – the pressure, the unknowns, non stop questions , remarks , accusations but no reason is good enough for such thoughts.
The only thing that gave me hope was the hours I used to spend regretting for my few minutes of bad thoughts. That, I knew what was good and what was bad.That, even though I could not prevent it I could control it.

Hope I am a better person today.