We all get angry, sometimes with our close friend, sometimes with people we like, with the government, with a stranger who acts weird in a bus.The way we express our anger differs from person to person. At my home itself, I have seen different varieties.
My Chithi- all she does is clenches her teeth. No yelling No shouting mostly. Even if there is shouting just one sentence thats it. Her patience is something beyond my understanding. How can anyone be so patient!!!
My uncle – His anger is the worst kind. Harsh Words! He is a very good person. But when he is angry, he turns into a different person.
My BIL – No words, Only action. Whatever is in his hand will fly and die. But he aims only the walls not people.
My friend – No words, No dramatic actions. All he does is little bit raise in voice. That too you need skills to understand whether he is angry or there is some network problem.
My not even 2 years old niece – Ennatha solla, that day she broke a milk bikis biscuit when I refused to show her baa baa blacksheep on my laptop 🙄
In my 45 minutes bus journey today, I alasi araanjufied (means I did some serious investigation) my case . This is what I found out. I am a failure case. At the max I have been able to display my anger correctly only like 10% of the times.
1.There is a serious problem, a wrong connection between the “cry” and “show anger” part of my brain. Mostly I end up crying. But not proper crying. It will be a mixture , such that both crying is also not done properly, showing off anger is also messed up big time.
Sometimes when I am angry, I prepare myself. As in what should I talk, What the subject (person whom I am angry with) would say 🙄 , how the subject will get scared and apologize 🙄 🙄 and all. But because of the above said defect, the whole scenario turns out to be something like this.
(Lets imagine that I am angry and all I want to say is “Why this kolaveri” , simple right ! )
Me:- Arggg,, I am soo Angry.. sooo Sooooo <tears activated> Aunngreeee
Subject :- What happenend ?
Me:- All becaaaae aaf yooooo 😥 , waiii theeees kozha veeeeeee
Subject:- mm, purila ma (not getting)
Me: waiiiiii theeee kozhaaa var eeeeeeeeeuuuooooo 😥 😥 😥
Subject :- Ennadhu kozha la thee varudha!! (What!!! 😯 Fire is coming from the tap-ah!) ( Kozha – tap, thee -fire)
2. I imagine things. I am in a bus I see someone is misbehaving. I cannot directly go and shout. But I have to vent out my anger. I imagine. I imagine holding his hair with both hands, the leather seat in bus on which he is sitting turns into an iron seat.I hold his hair tight and bang his head on the seat, non -stop. But in my imagination I never see his face suffering or in pain. I see only my face , teeth clenched , red with anger!!!
3. When I don’t get a chance to show off my anger, it reflects in my dreams. Yes. I feel all my energy travelling from my finger tips , from my feet to my right hand. My right hand becomes heavy, face turns into bright red, teeth clenches..
Slowly I take my arm back 90 degrees, 180 degrees..more more… With all my energy I bring down my heavy arm, I slap the subject (never seen the subject’s face here).But I told you I am a failure. Mysteriously, when my hand reaches the subject, all my energy vanishes and there is no actual slapping. I just pat the subject thats all. Where did all my energy go? I stand confused!!!
In spite of all these hurdles, if I manage to express my anger, next thing I will be down with guilt and start apologizing to the subject.
P.S. I have not yet replied to your comments, will do it soon. 🙂
All Gaptun images from Google Appan.